Scientific Method: Monday

January 26, 2009 at 6:23 pm 3 comments

OBSERVATION: The work environment on Monday is particularly more subdued than that of Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. Droopy eyes are distinctly droopier; frowny faces are markedly frownier. Pilgrimages to the coffee mess are noticeably more sluggish, and slurred, half-hearted greeting can be heard throughout the hallways.

“Good weekend?”
*grunt* “You?”

HYPOTHESIS: The inclusion of Monday in the calendar week plays a significant part in the general decline in the emotional well-being and overall work-week productivity of employees. Additionally, Monday may be the sole contributing factor in the decline of enjoyment derived from weekend frivolities.

DISCUSSION: One might argue that other factors — such as anxiety, depression, job dissatisfaction and/or hangover — are key in diagnosing the general aversion to Monday. Indeed, for many, Monday does have its virtues: Monday Night Football, for instance. However, Monday Night Football doesn’t come until the end of Monday, and is only available for one-third of the calendar year, and then only applies to the percentage of the American population that derives enjoyment from viewing said sport. One may also argue that the first day back from a weekend — whatever its name — will eventually induce the same type of fear and loathing that is currently associated with Monday.

CONCLUSION: After due consideration of these and many other facts, I cannot help but conclude that Monday is inherently evil.

PROPOSAL FOR ACTION: Based on the facts presented, it is strongly recommended that Monday is removed from the calendar. The 24 hours that currently comprise Monday shall be divided thusly: two hours will be added to each of the days Tues, Wednes, Thurs and Fri, and the remaining 16 hours shall be divided equally between Saturday and Sunday. Amen.


Entry filed under: Head & Heart. Tags: .

Does this photo make *you* feel violent, too? It isn’t spring yet — let’s make chili!

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. onewandering  |  January 26, 2009 at 7:57 pm


    Sign me up… I could use an extra 16 hours on the weekend to catch up on sleep, and those extra 2’s during the week could be my “non-excuse” time to hit the gym!

    Bring it.

  • 2. onewandering  |  January 26, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    Oh! And, I hereby do solemly swear to always remember Mondays — how ’bout we celebrate Monday Day on the first Tuesday of the calendar month that your plan goes into action?! And on Monday Day, we’ll all remember that we used to have to endure Mondays, but no longer, and we will renew our vows to not be grumpy about Tuesdays. Amen.

  • 3. Sarah  |  January 26, 2009 at 9:41 pm

    I second that — Monday Day, or Independence from Monday Day. As long as there are fireworks and a symbolic dance routine.


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