I’m not running a marathon right now

More specifically, I’m not running the Marine Corps Marathon. Instead of downing Gatorade and Power Bars, I’m drinking Coke and eating twice-baked shortbread cookies.

It’s 9:50 right now, and the race started at 8:00, so I’m probably not somewhere around mile 9, although SON OF A NUTCRACKER there’s someone who’s three-quarters done already.

Now, not running a marathon isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’ll be an uphill battle as I try to finish my homework, which is due today — this will be the real mental challenge, and if I can avoid letting myself get defeated by the stupidity of it, I’ll have the tenacity to go all the way. I’ll make sure that I stay plenty caffeinated and sugarated so that I’ll be able to make it through the laundry piles in the hallway and bedroom with enough energy to make a batch of apple butter. I’m going to have to vacuum along the entire stretch of the home, continuing to rearrange some furniture as I go, which will provide some real physical and logical resistance. And the day won’t be complete unless I finish off my second crocheted blanket ever. If I’m lucky, somewhere along the way I’ll try to remember to sign up for a 5K.

I know, I know, it sounds crazy. Just know that I’ve been not training for a marathon for a long time now, and I’m ready I tell you. I’m *more* than ready to not run a marathon. We are not standing on the threshold of a new era of my life, and I can just *feel* the void of energy swirling all around me to the tune of The Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy.